DFLB
by Strikey-Chan
Summary: We fangirls see it all over Youtube and Fanfiction in Harvest Moon sections: "OMG! Mfomt bachelors are like, soooo hawt! Gray ish sooo sexeh! Exp 4 Rick though, hes soooo gay!" Well guess what, young lady? Rick is tired of your shit. He's a guy too. Not his fault his mom didn't let him cut his own hair...
1. Chapter 1

**Rick's Story:**

**DFLB**

* * *

Dear Future Little Brother,

Okay. I feel a bit stupid for emailing to someone who hasn't even been born yet (let alone have a name) but I got this awesome new Iphone from Mom and since I'm way too nice to her, here goes.

First things first. If you have any problems, _never_ run to Popuri.

I repeat, _never_ run to Popuri.

Who knows what'll she'll do to you. Run to me. Some handy ammo that are useful when you want something.

Mom's weakness is the oven. More like the cooking. She can't resist when her dear child offers to cook for her. I'm not really proud of it though. Not manly.

- scrunches nose -

But when you're _seriously_ in deep shit, offer to go to those women gossip meetings in the town square for her. I rarely have to do this, but when I do, God. Was it a nightmare. Like, how the heck can Anna and Sasha keep up with Manna?-! When I do this tatic, I just sit on a bench behind them, wear sunglasses and disguise like Won and pretend to be reading the newspaper. Humiliation if I ever get caught.

But oh well, whatever works.

It's a bit harder for Popuri. Kai, her "the one" lives in the same high school as me. You offer to stalk him/know him for a while. I chose with the stalking strategy. And house chores. She _hates_ house chores. So if you need anything, just offer to do them for her. She can't resist.

And me? Not telling.

If everything else fails and you're seriously _seriously_ in deep shit (example; someone blackmails you or something) there's always the "You ruined my life!" approach. That _always_ works. Yeah, it's a bit harsh. If you're a nice person it _may_ be over your league. But hey, it won me an Iphone 3, some M-Rated games and tickets to a movie. The results can never be argued with.

Okay, FLB, I guess I should tell you about myself.

I'm a first year in high school, 15, 171 cm and wears glasses. I have long ginger hair (Mom didn't let me cut it – be warned) and between you and me, FLB, I'm still a virgin.

The reason my hair is long is because Mom has "always" wanted a girl. When I was born, she _never_ let me cut it short. Not even to my shoulders. And even when Popuri was born she _still_ didn't let me cut my hair.

And the whole virgin thing, I seriously don't know why it's such a big deal – everybody say who touched this, who was it with (marks out of ten) but I reckon it's all just bullshit. I'm pretty sure none of my mates have done those kind of things.

Let me introduce them, by the way.

Kaiden (Kai): Less of a bastard than that Skye. "The One" Popuri is always yabbering about. Flirt, think's he's a bomb.

Gray: Closet otaku of the group. Sometimes we hang out and you know, just eat some popcorn while watching Misaki balling out everybody in _Another_ or something. I think he secretly reads shoujo manga. Has some issues. Sometimes emo, somethimes PMS-ing, sometimes (mistakenly) called Gay. Has the most number of fan girls.

Trent: Nothing to say... Judge him yourself. The number of fangirls are close to Gray's.

Oh, and BTW, I think Trent's a silent fujoshi. I saw him reading _Junjou Romantica_ in class. And a bunch of other BL books stacked in his bag. His face. Like omg. I should have taken a picture or something.

...

I can't believe I'm in the popular clique. Just look. Kai, Gray, and Trent – _all_ of them have fangirls. The odd one out is me.

It seriously gets annoying when fangirls run over me just to see their "Prince Charmings".

Oh, the burdens of being the guy no girl likes...

_**WAITING FOR THE BUS, TODAY**_:

"You getting a new sibling?" Gray asked me. I nodded. "A sister or a brother?"

Kai rolled his eyes. "Duh – a sister of course!"

There was a silent pause.

"What? Both of the people living in your house are women – it has to be!"

Gray rolled his cerulean eyes. "Nuff said."

Trent kept quiet all along.

I sighed and let my head fall onto my arms. "Maybe. Maybe not. If it is, I hope it's not going to be another satanic female."

"Duh." Kai snickered.

"Did Karen say no?" Gray questioned, changing the topic.

I gave him an annoyed stare. "Yeah. Karen said no."

_The_ most hottest girl in Mineral Town High.

What was I thinking, confessing to her?

Yep, she had said no.

Wait, screw that – she wet her skirt laughing – then she said no.

Couldn't my life get any worse?

Kai laughed and patted my back. "Chill bro. She's just playing hard to get."

_Hard to get or Not Interested? _I rolled my eyes.

Gray turned on to Kai. "You got a date yet?"

"For the scool prom?"

"Duh."

"Naturally." Kai said, smirking. "I asked a middle school girl."

I scrunched my nose. "You sicko."

Kai rolled his eyes. He turned on to Gray. "What about you, Gray?"

The capped man thought carefully. "I dunno. I'm thinking of asking Claire."

Bandana head looked surprised. "Who's she?"

I looked even more surprised. "Dude, you know. The runner up for the school's queen."

"Oh yeah..."

Gray gave a frown. "What about you, Ricky? Anyone asked you or you asked anyone yet?"

"Who's there left to ask?"

Kai crossed his arms. "There's always Elli... You know. The health comitee girl. She's kinda cute, I guess."

_Elli? No way. Not my type_.

"Actually, Elli's going with me." Trent finally looked up, giving all of us blank stares.

Wait, what?

**Pause. Rewind. Play**.

_Trent?_

_**Trent** has a date?_

_Every single one of my gang has a date, except for me...?_

_Do I stink? Do I suck? Or am I just not good enough?!_

_What if I'm the only one who's forever alone?! _

_What if I'm the only virgin left at Mineral Town High?!_

_I mean -_

_**Trent**?!_

* * *

Dear Future Little Brother,

Don't do it, kid! Save yourself! Hide somewhere where girls can't find you. Then when you've grown and manned up all of them will swoon over you.

The girl in question?

No, not Karen.

I'm talking girls like Claire. Sure, Karen's smokin hot, but Claire gives you the whole innocent cute girl vibe. I can't even THINK how she ended up going out with someone like Skye.

Today was the day. Today I actually thought I stood a chance. Well, here's what happened:

Claire: -walks over- Sup, Rick.

Me: -swallow, blushies- Err, yeah?

Claire: How are you doing lately?

Me: I'm good.

Claire: That's nice! Have you found someone for the school prom yet?

_Is she asking me...?_

Claire: Cause I know someone who's lonely... -sad face-

_She's asking me. Fuck yeah. Strike one for Rick Rod._

Me: Nope, I haven't found anyone yet.

Claire: You interested?

_I. Rule._

Me: Duh.

Claire: Great! I'll tell Cliff.

_Huh?_

Me: -spit take- Huh?

Claire: Cliff Steward – he's a great guy. He's just a bit shy.

_WTF?_

Me: I'm not gay!

Claire: Huh?

Me: I said I'm not gay!

Skye who is next to Claire pisses himself laughing his pants off.

Claire: -innocently- There's nothing wrong being gay, Rick.

Me: BUT I'M NOT! CLIFF ISN'T EVEN THAT PRETTY ANYWAYS!

Then I run away with having the whole school laughing (my clique included) at me because I didn't have the balls to face Claire.

Torturing me so innocently.

_Urgh_.

* * *

Dear Future Little Brother,

Is _this_ the reason why Karen rejected me?

Does _everyone_ think I'm gay?

They've ruined my life. I mean, they've actually ruined my life.

Karen laughed at my face because of them. Everyone thinks I'm gay because of them.

They were turning me into a girl.

I'm the only one of Mineral Town High who hasn't got a date.

Answer this. How the _hell_ am I supposed to be a guy, when I'm the single man in the family living in a _pink_ house?

**END OF CHAPTER ONE**

* * *

**Rewritin' this for the heck of it. XD**

**Never did see much for Rick. But I still felt sorry for him.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Rick's Story:  
**

**DFLB**

**Chapter Two**

* * *

Kai threw his purple bandana across the bed. I had went to see him for some guy advice.

"Well..." Kai started as he threw himself on his bed beside me. "It's not much of a _gay_ thing."

I sweatdropped in relief.

_Phew_.

"It's more of a girl thing." Kai said thoughtfullly.

"Say what?"

Kai turned his head to me and gave my blank eyes a sceptical look. "Admit it, bro. It's not like you go home, bench press and watch Match of The Day, is it?" he pointed out.

I didn't know how to answer. "No, but -"

"I bet you secretly watch Gossip Girl when no one's looking."

My face was flushed. "I do not!"

"Your aura," Kai stated. "Your hair, your _vibe_ and – dude, what's that smell?"

I looked surprised. "What?"

"That flowery smell on you." Kai gave me a look.

"Oh. Mum bought this new fabric softener -"

Kai interrupted before I could finish. "Lose it."

"But it makes my clothes so soft -"

"Dude."

I sighed. My mate was right. I was turning into a girl.

* * *

Dear Future Little Brother,

I don't know how to do this. Like, seriously. I can keep ranting on and on about how my life is so not manlish.

Just _look_ at it! There's hardly a _thing_ of manliness space anywhere!

The house is _pink_, the walls are _pink_, and I live with a mom and little sister who has fucking _pink_ hair!

Forgive me for swearing. But still, it's like _what the heck_! There's Cosmo on the coffee table, Justin Bieber on the TV, and mom and Popuri watching stupid Asian dramas!

And why do they even do that, anyway?

Why do women delibrately watch something that will torture you? Okay, _I_ do it everytime I'm re-watching Clannad, and Gray _always_ does it everytime he watches Higurashi, but there's at least a _slim_ possibility of a happy ending over there.

But Titanic _always_ sinks, Romeo and Juliet _always_ die, so why upset yourself?

Unless you're talking about the anime version of Romeo and Juliet, of course. That one was awesome.

ARRGHH! I hate my life sometimes.

But why am I telling you? You're probably going to be a girl anyway.

...

I want you to be a boy! _Get in!_

* * *

Dear Future Little Brother,

I went to Kai's house again today.

Kai: I have nothing to say to you.

That went well. I left as soon as he told me about the fabric softener again

So I went to Gray's home for a second opinion.

Gray: Dude, how should I know? Get over it.

I went in to play video games with him for a while. Gray seemed pretty pissed and quiet. Then again, he always had been quiet. Must had been PMS-ing again.

Then it hit me.

Gray's dad wasn't home.

The car that was always in the garage was gone.

His mum was crying in her bedroom.

He raised the radio to it's full volume and thrashed me seventeen times on Street Fighter.

* * *

Dear Future Little Brother,

Okay. Last resort. I went to Trent's place. He didn't seem really surprised to me being there. (He always had a pokerface on, anyway.)

Me: So... Uhh...

Trent: Get the fuck out.

Me: ...

Because of my gangmates being busy (Kai had detention, I didn't really wanted to bother Gray, Trent gives me enough goosebumps already.) I spent the whole day spying on Skye. You know, Claire's boyfriend.

Like what the hell.

He mooches around school, flirts with random chicks and throws spit balls.

And that's what Claire goes for? I don't get it.

* * *

Dear Future Little Brother,

I got to stay with Kai tonight. So here I am. At Kai's. Surrounded by weights and millions of video games. I feel more manly already.

And a little freaked out.

Kai's Dad: You got women-trouble, son?

Me: Umm... Yeah.

Kai's Dad: Females are simple. You've just got to show them who's the boss.

Me: -insert sceptical look here-

Kai's Dad: You tell her when, you tell her where. If she doesn't show up, be patient and seize the chance and day when you get it. She'll be putty in your hands. Like a boss.

Kai's Mum: Denny! My group's here. Bring us some tea, please.

Kai's Dad: In a minute, Lanna. I'm just -

Kai's Mum: _Now_, Denny.

Kai's Dad: Yes, dear.

'Like a boss' my ass. I want to die.

No. I want to punch Skye. Then die.

# It wasn't broken. But I still needed treatment anyway. FYI, if you ever want to punch something, don't make it solid. It burns. And it kills.

Mum said we needed to talk. She was worried about how my hand was and all that.

I was so curious at this point, I couldn't take it anymore.

Me: Mom? Why don't you remarry?

Mom: I like women.

Okay... That escalated quickly.

But...

She must have liked men once, right? What about Dad?

What happened then?

* * *

We were watching Romeo and Juliet about three times this weekend.

Me: This. Is Depressing.

Mum: This is _romantic_. They die for their love!

Me: -mutters- Romeo was in love with Rosaline five minutes ago.

Popuri looks at me and gives me a look.

Popuri: That was lust, idiot. Big difference.

Mum: Juliet was his true love. They didn't care what anyone said about them.

Popuri: Like Jack and Rose.

Mum: They didn't let anything come betweem them.

Mum sqeezes Popuri's hand and they smile at each other.

And then I realize.

Like them.

I look at them, cuddling on the sofa. It hits me for the first time. I was the tormentor. In a tiny village where lesbian love and marridge is unheard of, Mum and Popuri _are_ Romeo and Juliet.

...

Or maybe Juliet and Juliet.

* * *

A few nights later, I asked my mum for some advice.

"Mum, how do you attract women?" I asked.

Popuri then entered the kitchen. My pink-haired mother stared at her son. "Why do you ask?"

Popuri punched her ginger brother's shoulder. "He's just got some girl trouble." she teased playfully. I pushed her off in annoyance and looked at my mom, expecting an answer. Lillia was in deep thought for a moment. Popuri raised a finger.

"Never use chick-pick-up lines. Poems are romantic. Girls love 'em." she said.

I raised a brow, but didn't question. Lillia smiled. "Flowers always work. Never buff out – she'll think you're showing off and you won't impress her then. Cook for her! Make her a sandwhich, maybe."

I swear. My glasses were goggling.

* * *

Dear Future Little Brother,

Okay, little bro. I got some advice from both Kai and M&P. Here's what I got.

M&P's Advice:

NEVER use pick up lines.

DON'T buff out and show off.

Be romantic and write poems. Be artistic.

Cook and make her chocolate.

Kai's Advice:

Use pick up lines often.

Act manly and show off your muscles.

Be romantic but NEVER write poems. DON'T be artistic.

NEVER cook for a girl. Hellooo, the kitchen belongs to the woman!

I am officially confused.

* * *

Dear Future Little Brother,

'Sup, little man. Prom's in the next two days, and I still haven't had a date yet.

God, this effin' _sucks_...

But... I'm going for Claire tomorrow.

Wish me luck.

* * *

**END OF CHAPTER TWO**

**Sorry for the short chappie xD Thanks to Lexie for favoriting and following! And of course, all those silent readers out there!**

**Well? What do you think? Wish Rick some luck! I'm never a big fan on ClaireXRick, but for the sake of this story, it will have to be adorable. X3 Go, go, go! Press that pretty review button!**


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